Forget it Jake. It’s the Oscars.

Another year, another Oscars ceremony. The glitter! The glamour! The dresses! The controversy! Yes darling readers, let’s dish.

First off, this is the best Oscars show I’ve seen in years. I had my doubts, but it was fantastic. When Spike Lee won, I jumped off my couch and cheered. Quite honestly, he should’ve been nominated (and won) for so many films. I was shocked when Olivia Coleman won. And when Green Book won, I just sat there thinking, um. That’s the Oscars, baby. Don’t try to predict them.

For as long as I can remember, there’s never been a perfect Oscars ceremony. The first one occurred I was nine months old, very fond of milk and Pat the Bunny. When Marlon Brando won, his proxy person Sascheen Littlefeather went up to the Oscar podium, held her hand to Roger Moore who tried to give her the Oscar, then offered this speech:

Hello. My name is Sacheen Littlefeather. I’m Apache and I am president of the National Native American Affirmative Image Committee. I’m representing Marlon Brando this evening and he has asked me to tell you in a very long speech, which I cannot share with you presently because of time but I will be glad to share with the press afterwards, that he very regretfully cannot accept this very generous award. And the reasons for this being are the treatment of American Indians today by the film industry — excuse me — and on television in movie reruns, and also with recent happenings at Wounded Knee. I beg at this time that I have not intruded upon this evening and that we will in the future, our hearts and our understandings will meet with love and generosity. Thank you on behalf of Marlon Brando. (Courtesy of the Academy)

People became upset. Now people would be yelling: “Sacheen! Babe! Who are you wearing?” She would be trending on Twitter. Fox News would’ve torn her apart the next day. “Sacheen? What kind of name is that? And what was she wearing? Guess she doesn’t have a stylist!”

One of my favorite books from five years ago. Mad as Hell, told about the movie Network. It also gave great gossip. Peter Finch delivered an excellent performance as Howard Beale. Due to a nervous breakdown or possible brain trauma, he starts to say what he really thinks on camera. On his way to an appearance on Good Morning America, Finch died of a heart attack. Tragic, but many agents probably scratched their chins and thought “Wow, good career move.” It would seem logical that Finch’s widow Eletha would be the one to accept the award. Nope. See, Eletha was Jamaican, making their marriage an interracial one. The Academy didn’t want her to receive the award. It was incredibly wrong. Network’s screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky (who also was nominated and later won that night) knew it, but he was the chosen one if Finch won. When it happened, Chayefsky walked to the podium, then gave this speech:

For some obscure reason I’m up here accepting an award for Peter Finch, or Finchie as everybody who knew him called him. There is no reason for me to be here. There’s only one person who should be up here accepting this award and that’s the person who Finch wanted up here accepting his award: Mrs. Peter Finch. Are you in the house, Eletha? Come up and get your award.

Eletha Finch walked to the stage. She wore a fur coat. In her hand, she carried a rose. Several people stood up, applauding. Watching it on YouTube now, knowing all the drama going on, I want to yell “Kick their asses, Eletha!” She said this instead:

I want to say thanks to the members of the Academy and my husband. I wish he were here tonight to be with us all, but since he isn’t here, I’ll always cherish this for him. And before he died he said to me, “Darling, if I win I want to say thanks to my fellow actors who have given me encouragement over the years; and thanks to Paddy Chayefsky who have given him the part; and thanks to Barry who have tell us to come from Jamaica, to come and do this part.” And he says, “Most of all, thanks to you, darling, for sending the right vibes the right way. And thanks, the members of the Academy Awards.” Thank you all.

Yep, it’s good I wasn’t around back then to brief her. She didn’t need me at all. Class.

Chayefsky would also play a part in another Oscar dust up the following year. Oscar turned fifty in 1978! It was glorious, I tell you. Debbie Reynolds did a fantastic song/dance number called “Look How Far We’ve Come” We got to see many Oscar winners: Eva Saint Marie! Donna Reed! Louise Fletcher! Edith Head! Oh yeah!

After Bob Hope’s a really bad monologue, John Travolta strutted out to give out the Best Supporting Actress award. He managed not to kiss anyone or mess up anyone’s names. Good job! Vanessa Redgrave won for Julia. Now keep in mind many people weren’t happy with Redgrave because she funded a documentary called The Palestinian. Members of the Jewish Defense League protested the awards that year. Redgrave’s dates that year? Her bodyguards. When she won, she gave this speech:

My dear colleagues, I thank you very much for this tribute to my work. I think that Jane Fonda and I have done the best work of our lives, and I think this is in part due to our director, Fred Zinnemann. And I also think it’s in part because we believed and we believe in what we were expressing — two out of millions who gave their lives and were prepared to sacrifice everything in the fight against fascist and racist Nazi Germany. And I salute you, and I pay tribute to you, and I think you should be very proud that in the last few weeks you’ve stood firm, and you have refused to be intimidated by the threats of a small bunch of Zionist hoodlums whose behavior is an insult to the stature of Jews all over the world and their great and heroic record of struggle against fascism and oppression. And I salute that record, and I saluted all of you for having stood firm and dealt a final blow against that period when [Richard] Nixon and [Joseph] McCarthy launched a worldwide witch-hunt against those who tried to express in their lives and their work the truth that they believe in. I salute you, and I thank you, and I pledge to you that I will continue to fight against antisemitism and fascism.

Did I mention there were boos? There were boos. Way to put a damper on Oscar’s 50th, Ness!

So Paddy Chayefsky was going to give out the writing Oscars that year. He walked up to the podium and said:

Before I get on to the writing awards, there’s a little matter I’d like to tidy up — at least if I expect to live with myself tomorrow morning. I would like to say, personal opinion, of course, that I’m sick and tired of people exploiting the occasion of the Academy Awards [loud applause] for the propagation of their own personal political propaganda. I would like to suggest to Miss Redgrave that her winning an Academy Award is not a pivotal moment in history, does not require a proclamation and a simple ‘thank you’ would have sufficed.

Many people clapped. Some didn’t. Bob Hope was probably drinking backstage.

If you’re looking for a perfect Oscars ceremony where people say the right things, the “best” person wins the award, and everything goes well, you’re not going to get it. The Oscars are like life: people say smart things, dumb things, kind things. Other people react. Everyone will have opinions. Everyone will be talking. But tonight I saw Spike Lee win an Oscar. I saw an African American woman win Best Costume Design. Black Panther won several Oscars, and was directed by Ryan Coogler, who set part of the movie in Oakland and went to St. Mary’s in Moraga. I saw two women accept an Oscar and spoke out about menstrual equality. What would Bob Hope say? Who knows? This is 2019 baby. Some doors were kicked open tonight, and they’re staying open.