If Only You Believe Like I Believe, We’ll Get By
It wasn’t a shock, seeing his name on the list last week.
After all, there had been rumors for years he had raped a sixteen-year-old girl. Seeing his name on an official list was still an electric shock. But last week, the dioceses of Oakland and San Francisco released a list of priests that were accused of sexually abusing children in their parishes. I scanned Oakland’s list, relieved no priests from my former church were named. Father Miles O’Brien Riley’s name jumped at me and hasn’t let go.
Father Miles was on several Bay Area TV stations growing up. He was one of the go-to people for spiritual matters, especially Catholic ones. He hosted a talk show on the CBS affiliate called I Believe. Its theme song was Jefferson’s Airplane’s “Miracles” (the lyrics about oral sex must’ve flown over his head) Father Miles also did one-minute essays on KPIX and homilies on independent station KBHK called Touchstones that aired right before the station was about to go off the air. Father Paddy in Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City Books was based on him.
When I was in fourth grade, Father Miles spoke at my church. It was tape recorded, and the next day the principal Sister Esther played it over the intercom. I can’t remember what he said specifically, but several of us took time out to finish math homework. After the intercom was switched off, our teacher stood in front of the room and said “Well! Some of you weren’t responsible and didn’t finish their homework and didn’t listen to Father Miles. I’m not saying who, but know you missed something in what he said.” Okay, I was one of the students. Confession is good for the soul.
Father Miles was also the spokesman for the Archbishop of San Francisco, spoke out for the Sandinista takeover in Nicaragua, and wrote several books titled Forgiveness is the Gift you Give Yourself, To Whom It May Concern, and Love: It’s an Inside Job. He also won Emmies and was on several radio stations talking about God. He was always there, calm and joyful.
So imagine how bruised I, and God knows how many others, felt when rumors came out that Father Miles allegedly had a consensual relationship with a sixteen-year-old girl in the early 70’s. According to the website bishop-accountability.org, the case was turned over to San Francisco’s DA office in 2002. Father Miles was allowed to retire quietly. Unlike many priests, he was only accused by one person. He wasn’t moved around from parish to parish. All I could think was Father Miles, how could you. Really? Really? It was like Cecil Williams deciding to become best friends with Westboro Church’s Phelps family or Pope Francis having drinks with the Trumps. I also have wondered what happened to the girl? I doubt we’ll ever know. I can only hope she’s okay.
I’m Catholic. I consider myself Catholic who dabbles in Buddism. I’ve been praying and saving a novena for a friend diagnosed with cancer, yet at night listen to Pema Chodron’s audiobook on how to meditate. I never forget to say “God bless you!” when someone sneezes. When I get bad news, I make the Sign on the Cross and start to pray. A friend once said my faith is complicated. It’s not, not really. I believe in God. I’m not thrilled with His Judgement most of the time, but He still loves me all the same.
And yet, because of what happened in the Catholic church, I will never feel safe again in my religion. The church knew so many things, yet covered it up. Priests were moved from parish to parish, the geographic cure that wasn’t a cure. I do have a bias. In Catholic school, I had nuns for teachers who were shaming and borderline abusive. The Church can release names, they can try and make amends, but nothing can repair broken trust.
All I know is this: to the classmates who were shamed that day for doing homework instead of listening to Father Miles; you did nothing wrong. To the sixteen-year-old girl, I’m sorry. Someday I hope we know the full damage of what happened to so many children by so-called men and women of God. Not my God. Never my God.
