When Killing All The Right People Was a Thing
Last week I heard the news that made me yawp with joy. Yes, I said yawp. What was the cause of the yawping? The news that the sitcom Designing Women is being rebooted by its creator and the woman who wrote most of the episodes, Linda Bloodworth Thomason. It made me think of another time when the show first debuted, but seems much longer than thirty-two years.
` The autumn of 1986 was the best of times and the worst of times for Linda Bloodworth Thomason. After years of writing sitcoms like Rhoda and MASH, after two shows that didn’t catch on (Filthy Rich and Lime Street), it looked like she finally had a hit: Designing Women, a sitcom about four women working at an interior design firm in Atlanta, Georgia. These women loved to talk. And talk. And talk. The critics loved the show. It wasn’t in a high time slot, but if word of mouth stayed strong, it could be a sleeper hit. While she was writing the first scripts of Designing Women in her home in Los Angeles, she tended to her ailing mother, Claudia.
In 1983, Claudia had open heart surgery. She needed a blood transfusion. It was two years before blood banks started screening for HIV. Three years later, Claudia Bloodworth was dying of AIDS.
During the last days of Claudia’s illness, Bloodworth Thomason was walking around in the AIDS ward. No doubt she felt numb, angry, afraid. She heard people talking, making AIDS jokes. She then listened to the words “One thing going for the disease: It’s killing all the right people.”
I try to imagine what she did next. No doubt she wanted to yell at them, give in to violence. I try to imagine her getting a paper towel, maybe a Post-It. Wrote the line down: Killing all the Right People. She went back to her mother’s bedside, trying to keep calm.
After Claudia died in December 1986, Bloodworth Thomason kept writing scripts for Designing Women. She once told People magazine “You put one foot in front of another. It’s the only way.”
The show did catch on. It was renewed for another season. She spent the summer writing, writing and writing. The fourth episode she decided, would be a big one. It was one she knew had to be written. It was time to respond to what she heard in the hallway.
It was broadcast on October 5, 1987. The ladies are talking as usual. Julia (Delta Burke) chatted with a client. After the client left, they started talking about Kendall, a fellow designer who helped Mary Jo clean out her garage the other day. Kendall was such a doll, such a great guy. They hadn’t seen him lately.
In true sitcom fashion, Kendall walked in the room. Played by Tony Goldwyn (Yep, President Grant from Scandal) Kendall sat down and told the women he wanted to hire them. For what? He wanted them to help plan his funeral. Oh, Kendall. You’re in your twenties, what are you talking about? He then told them he had AIDS.
The women started asking questions. How long did he have? Why them? Oh yeah, he was gay? (Yes, the last one was requested by everyone’s favorite homophobic character, Suzanne Sugarbaker) Yeah, he was gay. However, it wasn’t a “gay” disease. In the hospital, Kendall saw people of all ages sick with the virus. His T-cell count was low, so it was time to be prepared. His family wasn’t happy with him, so he didn’t want to burden them with planning the funeral. Instead, he would plan it himself. That’s where the women came in: They would design the funeral, specifically the room where the funeral would be held. Then other AIDS victims could have their funerals there as well. In seconds, Julia said: “When should we start?”
Of course, the women were upset. Some comic relief comes in with Bernice (Alice Ghostley), but mostly the women are discouraged and sad. Especially Mary Jo (Annie Potts) who is inspired to speak up at a PTA meeting in shaky favor for condoms in high schools. She is then recruited to debate an anti-condom mother the next week. She is then given the nickname “Mary Jo Shively, the condom queen.”
While talking about the debate, Kendall walked in to check the progress on the designs. Charlene (Jean Smart) took his hand to show him. Surprised, he said so many people are so afraid they’ll catch it by touching. They responded by the fact they read. Julia then started to rant. This wasn’t out of the ordinary, Julia ranted every episode. Julia would’ve been an excellent blogger.
All the while the client Imogene Salinger who was there before is observing what’s going on, then started talking (thanks to the Designing Women website for this)
Imogene: Is that him? Is that the boy whose funeral you’re planning?
Julia: Where did you hear that?
Imogene: Well I heard the rumors, but I didn’t believe it was true. Now I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, but if these boys hadn’t been doing what they were doing, they wouldn’t be getting what’s coming to them now.
Mary Jo: Imogene, gays, aren’t the only ones getting it.
Imogene: No, but they’re the ones who started it.
Kendall: Actually nobody knows how it got started. Gays are just one of the first groups it showed up in.
Imogene: Yes, and for a good reason…….you reap what you sow. You boys brought this on yourselves. As far as I’m concerned this disease has one thing going for it…….it’s killing all the right people!
Julia: Imogene, I’m terribly sorry. I’m gonna have to ask you to move your car.
Imogene: Why?
Julia: (pulling her towards the door) Because you’re leaving. The only thing worse than all these people who never had any morals before AIDS is all you holier-than-thou types who think you’re exempt from getting it.
Imogene: Well, for your information, I am exempt. I haven’t lived like these people, and I don’t care what you say, Julia Sugarbaker, I believe this is God’s punishment for what they’ve done.
Suzanne: Oh yeah? Then how come lesbians get it less?
Imogene: That is not for me to say…….I just know that these people are getting what they deserve!
Julia: Imogene, get serious! Who do you think you’re talking to? I’ve known you for 27 years, and all I can say is…….if God was giving out sexually transmitted diseases to people as a punishment for sinning, that you would be at the free clinic all the time! ……..and so would the rest of us!!
Bernice: I think she makes a good point.
Imogene: Oh, who cares what you think?! (she points at her head) You’re not even all there!
Bernice: (shocked) Well, as long as we’re on the subject, (pointing towards her heart) neither are you!
Imogene: (utterly furious) Well, you needn’t look forward to any more of my business in this lifetime!
Julia: Wonderful! I’ll close up your account! And another thing, my son has an A in chemistry! In fact, he’s making all A’s! In everything — including P.E!!
Was it bordering on Very Special Episode territory? Yes. But it made it very clear that bigotry and intolerance wouldn’t be tolerated. And in 1987, we needed to hear that. People were so afraid and fearful. Only a month before, Ryan White started high school where he was treated with kindness and respect, a sharp contrast to being shunned in his hometown Kokomo, Indiana. People needed to see in their living rooms Julia kicking Imogene’s ass out of Sugarbaker’s. We needed to see ugliness wouldn’t be tolerated, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Mary Jo did the debate, then pretty much dropped the mike when she delivered this still heartbreaking monologue:
What I am saying is I have a dear, sweet, funny friend — 24 years old, not very much older than the kids we’re talking about here — and he came to me this week and asked me to help plan his funeral because he’s dying…..from AIDS — something that he got before he even knew what it was or how to prevent it. I’ve been thinking about his mother this week, and what she might give for the opportunity that I have tonight — that we all still have here tonight — because now we know how to prevent AIDS. And I think it really shouldn’t matter what your personal views are on birth control because we’re not just talking about avoiding births anymore. We’re talking about preventing deaths. Twenty-five thousand Americans have died, and we’re still debating. Well, for me, the debate is over. More important than what any civic leaders, PTA, or Board of Education think about teenagers having sex, or any immoral act that my daughter or your son might engage in….. the bottom line is I don’t think they should have to die for it.
The next scene we see a coffin. Kendall has died. People of all ages are singing “Just a Closer Walk With Thee” while a New Orleans Dixie jazz band plays in the background. The women, friend Bernice Clifton (Alice Ghostley) and assistant Anthony (Meshach Taylor) sing along, looking sad.
God knows by 1987 we had TV episodes deal with AIDS. But “Killing All the Right People” was different in the fact that it was personal. Linda Bloodworth Thomason saw her beloved mother dying of a virus. She had no control over what was going on. Yet Bloodworth Thomason could do something with it. She could make it into art. She could show that in her little corner of the world, bigotry and hatred wouldn’t be tolerated. They couldn’t save Kendall. However, they could send him off in style.
Thirty-one years later, there’s a generation who only know through documentaries and history how scary the mid-eighties were when it comes to AIDS. They’re probably confused why Ryan White wasn’t allowed to go to school, or why didn’t Nancy Reagan help her friend Rock Hudson when he was dying of AIDS. I’m not sure what issues the new designing women will face. I can only hope that when they hear the expression “killing all the right people” they’re confused, not understanding what the woman meant.
Jennifer Kathleen Gibbons has been published in Salon, Stereo Embers, and The Billfold. She has also written about the cold case about Suzanne Bombardier, which was solved in December 2017. She is writing a memoir about her involvement with the case, along with a collection of essays. Both are seeking agent representation.
